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The journey of sex addiction recovery often has its challenging seasons, and the holiday season is no exception. While the holidays are typically filled with joy, traditions, and cherished memories, they can also bring a host of potential sexual triggers. Avoiding them entirely is nearly impossible. However, with the right preparation, you can learn to navigate holiday triggers in a healthy way and stay on track with your recovery goals.
When you’re struggling with sex addiction, sexual and arousal triggers during the holidays can feel as unavoidable as Christmas music and Santa Claus. But what is it about this season that makes those triggers — and the negative core beliefs driving your addiction — seem louder and louder?
Between financial pressures from gift-giving, a packed social calendar, and year-end work obligations, holiday stress can become a powerful trigger that might drive you toward relapse if you’re not careful.
For starters, the holiday season usually comes with a heaping dose of stress, whether or not you’re pursuing recovery. In fact, a survey by the American Heart Association reveals that 63% of people find the holidays more stressful than tax season. Between financial pressures from gift-giving, a packed social calendar, and year-end work obligations, holiday stress can become a powerful trigger that might drive you toward relapse if you’re not careful.
According to Gentle Path’s Clinical Director Dr. Stephanie Emde, the pressure of spending time with family can be another major trigger during the holidays. While some may find family gatherings relaxing, others may find them stressful. “Stressful in a way that they feel they have to be ’perfect,’ ” says Dr. Emde. She adds that being around loved ones might amplify the intrusive “I am not worthy” voice inside your head, or the thought that if your loved ones truly knew your struggles, they wouldn’t love you — or might push you away.
This pressure to appear to have it all together is an unrealistic expectation that can lead to frustration and feelings of inadequacy. Without preparation, these negative thoughts can quickly spiral into triggering behaviors, turning to your addiction as a way to cope.
Certain family members and friends can also put you in vulnerable situations that lead to sexual triggers. This might include the constant presence of relatives who live non-sober lifestyles, encounters with an ex-lover or former party buddy, or even painful memories of lost loved ones that trigger feelings difficult to process.
While stress, busyness, and challenging family situations may be obvious holiday triggers to navigate, there’s one that can fly under the radar: shifts in your routine. As those around you adjust their schedules and embrace the holiday spirit, changing your recovery routine this time of year can leave you especially vulnerable to relapse.
If you begin prioritizing holiday activities over your meetings, therapy, or other sex addiction recovery efforts, you’ll be putting your sobriety at risk. You might not notice the impact right away. However, Dr. Emde explains that even small deviations can lead to situations where your negative core beliefs resurface, pushing you toward your addictive behaviors. “Recovery should come first,” she says, reminding us that anything placed above sobriety comes at a cost.
Let’s face it: Your addiction would love to ruin your life again. As Dr. Emde says, “It’s out there on the streets doing push-ups, just waiting for the right moment.” Now is not the time to let your guard down. By focusing on recovery-based strategies, you can create a safe, supportive holiday environment for yourself. Here are some practical steps you can take to stay the course when sexual triggers arise:
Healthy boundaries are a critical component of maintaining your recovery goals, especially in different environments during the holiday season. “We train people how to treat us, and this is done by setting boundaries,” says Dr. Emde. Think about the activities and situations you’ll say yes and no to in advance. If going home or being around family feels triggering, communicate your boundaries to loved ones ahead of time. In some cases, it may be necessary to skip a visit or step away from a situation altogether if it’s best for your recovery.
Think about the activities and situations you’ll say yes and no to in advance. If going home or being around family feels triggering, communicate your boundaries to loved ones ahead of time.
If stress is one of your major arousal triggers, it’s crucial to proactively think through managing it during the hustle and bustle of the holidays. Speak with your counselor or therapist ahead of time about healthy coping strategies you can use in stressful situations. Dr. Emde emphasizes practicing mindfulness as it can bring you back into the present when stress threatens to pull your thoughts toward the past or future. Mindfulness can also help you reflect on your recovery progress with gratitude, reducing any anxiety or depression associated with your sexual triggers.
Remember, recovery can’t thrive in isolation. Even if you’re traveling or taking time off work for the holidays, it’s important to stay connected with your support network. If your routine includes attending regular group therapy meetings, check if the group offers a virtual option or find local meetings to attend while you’re away. Keep in touch with your therapist for guidance as you navigate your holiday triggers, and have an accountability partner you can rely on for urgent support when needed this holiday season.
A key to staying sober in sex addiction recovery is taking care of yourself, especially during the holidays. While you may be adding parties or events to your holiday calendar, make sure your self-care activities remain a priority. Keep your exercise regimen going, and make time for meditation, yoga, and other self-reflective practices. Get plenty of rest and maintain good nutrition, even with all those tempting holiday treats. Your overall well-being — and your long-term recovery goals — will thank you.
The holidays don’t have to be a season of setbacks. You can find hope and healing, even when faced with sexual triggers. At Gentle Path at The Meadows, we’re here to help you build a solid foundation for recovery, getting your mind sober and your heart mended. If you’re ready to move beyond survival and truly thrive, contact our team today.
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