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Change takes work, but it can’t be harder than living with unresolved addiction, trauma, and other disorders. If you or someone you love needs help, we’re ready and waiting.
By Bobby Shriver
Sex is a basic human desire and a regular aspect of many healthy relationships. In fact, the average American couple has sex about once a week, according to Insider.com. On the other hand, abstaining from sex for a certain period can sometimes be beneficial for various reasons when agreed upon mutually by both partners.
But what about circumstances where you want to have sex, but it feels like your partner is purposefully withholding sex from you? While withholding sex can be a common occurrence, the reasons why your partner may be doing it can vary widely.
While withholding sex can be a common occurrence, the reasons why your partner may be doing it can vary widely.
If you sense your partner is choosing to deprive you of sex, it’s easy to get frustrated or feel like the victim. In evaluating your relationship, you may begin to wonder, Is withholding sex abuse in my situation? Believe it or not, withholding sex is a form of psychological abuse when your partner intentionally withholds love or sex as a form of punishment or manipulation on a regular basis. This compulsive act is often learned from past emotional or mental abuse and ends up hurting both you and your partner.
If sex is withheld to manipulate outcomes or dole out punishment in your relationship, it’s key that you and your partner seek professional help to address the problem head-on. However, if this is not your experience, you need to understand that your partner’s decision to withhold sex may be the result of other potential reasons. Instead of being quick to label it as abuse, you and your partner should explore the issue so you can find a resolution and be on the same page.
Many people look for a partner who is willing to make an emotional commitment and invest in the relationship for the long haul. As a result, some may choose to delay sex during dating in order to find a high-quality partner who is seeking a serious, long-term relationship instead of just a fling, says PsychMechanics.com. Similarly, dating partners may withhold sex for religious reasons, choosing to reserve sex until marriage.
Often negative past experiences or physical issues can cause your partner to withhold sex, reports Cosmopolitan. This can range from biological factors resulting in digestive problems, reduced libido, painful intercourse, or erectile dysfunction, to mental or emotional hurdles due to past trauma such as sexual abuse or miscarriage. Some people may even feel self-conscious or overly pressured during sex, so they avoid physical intimacy as a result.
There are a number of outside forces that can impact your partner’s well-being and lower their sex drive as a result, according to VeryWellMind.com. In turn, this may lead you to believe that your partner is withholding sex. Perhaps your partner is overly stressed or exhausted from difficulties with work or your kids. Or maybe he or she is experiencing low self-esteem or bouts of depression, which are common culprits of lower libido. Even relational challenges like unresolved past conflict or feeling underappreciated can result in your partner’s decreased desire for sex.
Unresolved past conflict or feeling underappreciated can result in your partner’s decreased desire for sex.
It’s clear that the reasoning behind withheld sex can come from a variety of sources. That being said, it’s important that both you and your partner communicate when and why you don’t want sex, says USA TODAY. Talking about when you do not want sex — and not just when you do — will help make the topic of sex feel more comfortable and safer to discuss. This will lead to mutual understanding moving forward and the decreased likelihood of you or your partner taking withheld sex personally.
Yet with many of the reasons for withholding sex tied to relational or personal issues, sometimes talking about it by yourselves isn’t enough to uncover and address the root causes. That’s why individual or couples therapy can make a major difference in determining the reasons why your loved one is withholding sex. By partnering together with expert therapy programs, you can heal trauma, resolve conflicts, and improve overall communication and intimacy so both you and your relationship can be restored and strengthened. A professional can also help you determine if your sexual demands are a warning sign of a possible sexual addiction.
If you or your partner are experiencing intimacy issues like withholding sex, past trauma, or sex addiction, we can help at Gentle Path at The Meadows. Our caring team provides a comprehensive treatment plan that addresses outward behaviors and the underlying issues driving them so that you and your loved one can change your story and experience healthy, fulfilling relationships. To begin your recovery journey, contact us today.
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